Written By: Kyleigh Halliwell
Since I was born, I knew my mom was sick. I remember being young and not understanding why my mom had to visit the hospital so much or why I was always being told to be careful because her heart couldn’t take a lot of stress.
It wasn’t until I got older that I understood she had congestive heart failure—more specifically, Postpartum Cardiomyopathy. My mom’s heart couldn’t function properly on its own, and that was a scary thing to learn at such a young age. It was scary because I knew, even as a child, that my mom was going to die. I just didn’t know when.
That knowledge made me extremely close to my mom. I spent as much time with her as I could, and eventually, I could almost forget she was sick. Sure, she went to the hospital often, but she was always okay. I got used to it and I wasn’t as scared anymore. I think that’s why it still hit me so hard when she passed.
A Young Kyleigh and her parents
I knew it was coming, but somehow, you still can’t ever fully prepare to lose someone so close to your heart. I struggled a lot with her being gone, and my dad noticed. He did everything he could to help me through it. I had amazing counselors and worked through a lot of my grief, but I still felt alone in my experience. That was when my dad found out about Camp Brave Heart and thought it might help me in ways only being around kids who are going through the same thing can.
I won’t lie and say it was easy to decide to go to Camp Brave Heart because it wasn’t. It was really scary for me, especially because I was still so scared to be away from my dad. But the grief was overwhelming, and I decided to try camp. I know it was hard on my dad, too. He could see how much I was hurting, but just like any parent, he wanted what was best for his child. Somehow, he knew this camp would be good for me.
When I arrived at camp, I was still apprehensive. I was away from home, and making friends had always been hard for me. But after a little time settling in, I met a few people and that helped a bit. That first night, though, when it was time for bed, I got really upset. I just wanted to go home. It was hard being away from my support system. But then one of the new friends I had made told me her story—why she was at camp. She shared how she had lost her parents and how she was sad, too. So, I told her about my mom. I think that was the first time I really understood that I wasn’t alone. My grief was still scary but if other kids like me could be brave, then maybe I could, too. I like to believe we found comfort in each other’s stories.
That moment changed how I saw camp. Slowly, I opened up to the idea of Camp Brave Heart, and I started to have fun. It was still hard at times—grief never fully goes away—but it can become something beautiful. You begin to see how you can honor those you’ve lost by remembering what it was like to have them in your life.
Kyleigh Halliwell’s UT Graduation photo
Camp Brave Heart helped me do that. I could be sad when I needed to be, but I could also take joy in remembering my mom and all the amazing memories we had together. Activities like making a memory box for her are the ones I remember most. That box became a physical space for my mom—a place I could visit when I wanted to feel close to her. A place to store memories, even if I couldn’t see her.
After Camp Brave Heart was over, I almost didn’t want to leave. I had fun, and I think it helped me grow into myself.
As I got older, I knew I wanted to help other kids who were going through what I went through. I wanted to be there for them the way Camp Brave Heart was there for me. That’s why I came back as a volunteer. And it’s why I’m now pursuing a degree in psychology. Camp Brave Heart helped me walk through my grief and feel all of it: the hard, the sad—but also the joy and the love I still carry from my mom. I carry her with me every day. And while my grief will never fully go away, I can now use it to share my experience and help others.
Without Camp Brave Heart, I’m not sure I would have been able to understand that so clearly. For that, I will always be grateful. And I know my mom would be, too.
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